I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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