Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
