My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
