I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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