considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
