drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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