Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
