Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
