Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
