DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
