i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
