I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize