it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Your penis caused this!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
