how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
