Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
