girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
