dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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