While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
