Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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