very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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