Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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