TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
