I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
