If that was your dad, he is hot
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We're too hungover to prance.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
