she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize