she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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