did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
