Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
