I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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