I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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