I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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