okay pat passed out under dana's car
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
