honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
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I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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I just want nice things and good sex
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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