i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
why do cheetos always look like penises
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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