How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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