Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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