pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
