i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
