Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
