I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
