i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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