Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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