Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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