i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
