I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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