walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
