if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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