Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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