I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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