I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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