He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
