PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
