I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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