WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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