Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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