I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I touched a dick in church today
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
why is half of my head shaved?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
