R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize