remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
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all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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