she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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