I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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