and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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